Retail Therapy

I shed most of my shopping habits about 4 years ago, when I started planning for my wedding. C and I were pretty young (24) and we weren't exactly making much. To plan the extravagant wedding C's dad was adamant about... though he wasn't exactly helping out our budget in anyway...

Anyway, so those days of frivolous spending days have long gone and died. This habit died the day I got married.

*

Before I had my biopsy, but after my blood test results, I have been wanting to shop. Spend money I don't have. I don't know where this was coming from, this urge. I knew it had something to do with my disease, even though nothing was confirmed.
I guess inside, I felt like I should buy all the things I wanted before something "happened" to me. There's an old saying in korean that means something along the lines of "You change when you know you're about to die". Though I read all I possibly could about thyroid cancer, even though I knew that the success rate was high, I still had the worst dread in me.
So I went out, spent a ridiculous amount of money on a mini shopping spree. I felt no remorse for my wallet or bank account like I normally would, but it didn't make me "happy". Yes, it's nice to have nice things. I was happy about my purchases, but it didn't make me "happy".
I'm not sure what people mean when they say retail therapy. I thought it was supposed to make you feel better, not the same.

I still haven't kicked this habit. I still go out trying to spend more money whenever I get a chance. Hopefully after my surgery, things calm down and I become my old saving self.
As of right now though, I am worried. I still have 2 weeks before surgery which means 2 more weekends to do major damage to my credit card.

*sigh.

The things people do to try to make their lives "normal" again...
I wish I could hurry up and get this tumor out of me.