a wife

I used to fight with C a lot about calls.
How I would always be the one who calls, because I think about him. And how he never calls me. I got over that. Partly.

What irritates me is that he never picks up his calls.
A lot of times he tells me he never got my calls. Which is why I make it a point to call at least 3 times because the chances of not getting all 3? Pretty slim.
But there are days even those 3, or 5, or 10 calls just never go through. Hm.
His cell is always left on vibrate and his cell has one of the worst, weakest vibrate mode.
And on the LUCKY days it's on a ringtone, it doesn't help that he has the hearing of an 80 year old man sometimes.
If I text him, I'll be lucky to get a text back in the next 10 minutes.

It's so frustrating. Why do I even bother? I call him when I get to work. I call during lunch. I call when I get off work. I call when I get home. He used to do it too. But he forgets quite often. FORGETS. How do you forget to do something that you do EVERY DAY? I try to keep telling myself that it's not because it's me. He's just a forgetful person. But sometimes, enough is enough. Why do I even bother?

My sister always gets a call from her husband when he leaves work. Man, sometimes I just want to punch C in the face and say SEE? OTHER GUYS DO IT TOO DAMMIT.

When I see people get calls during lunch breaks from their spouse, I used to want that. I won't lie, sometimes I still want that. But I made peace with myself. C just isn't that kind of guy. I justify for myself. I don't really need that. It's a hassle anyway. But I call or make a point to text C everyday. To make sure he takes the time out to eat and take care of himself.
Maybe it is me. If I didn't do it, I wouldn't want it.

Back to the point. I'm not asking so much for him to even call me. All I ask is that he picks up his phone when I call. On his day off. At home. I don't expect that when he works. I just expect that when C is home. I guess that is just too damn much to ask for.

He used to be ok. He used to call just to see how I was doing, and pick up when I called. I guess marriage does change things. Maybe I should change. I don't have to tell him I got to work, or that I got off work. Maybe I should stop calling.

Speaking of which, I don't know why I have a phone. I never use it. I'm just wasting money each month for minutes I never use. Maybe I should get rid of it. Save money and C the trouble of actually remembering to call me to tell me he's ok.

Man, I am having a pretty shitty day. This week couldn't be any slower.