What Not to Say..

When I first found out I had thyroid cancer, I told my family and friends.
I wasn't in too much shock about my results, so I wasn't crying hysterically while telling people.
But even though I tried to sound strong while telling people, I assumed that people will react to my news with some sort of sympathy.  Not too much, but at least a little.

It's especially worse since I'm not hurting anywhere, I don't feel sick...

Anyway, through this experience I realize what to say or not to say to someone who has just been diagnosed with bad news...

1.  One of my sisters I've told, while being trying to be consoling, made me feel like I'm dying.  While talking, she kept emphasizing the fact that I'm "sick".  People have to be nice to me "because I'm sick".  People have to buy me lunch/dinner when we hang out "because I'm sick".  I have to get to do everything I want to do "because I'm sick".  I don't feel sick.  I don't hurt anywhere.  Just because I have a tumor that needs to be removed doesn't mean I am dying tomorrow!  While it's nice for people to be understanding of my during this time, I don't need them to treat me like an invalid.
2.  Another sister I've told, now this was, um... quite a speechless moment.  She called me after I got home from the biopsy and asked how it went.  After I told her, her first reaction was "Oh, Papillary!  Oh it's nothing then!  Papillary thyroid cancer isn't even a cancer!  So it's nothing we have to worry about."  I was speechless, and for the first time since my diagnosis that morning, I had tears swelling.  I felt so much anger and I just wanted to yell at her.  The only response I came up with was "Says the person who doesn't have cancer. "  I guess she kind of took the cue and tried a meager cover up "Oh, you know what I mean..."  Um, hello? No, I don't know what you mean.  I understand that every website you search for thyroid cancer says it's "the best cancer to have" but that doesn't mean it's not serious.  It's still cancer, it's still scary.  It doesn't give you a right to dismiss my illness, or make my cancer any less real.  Sometimes, silence is golden.  If you don't have anything useful to say to a person who is hurting inside, please, just shut up.
3.  My boss was very understanding about my situation and reassured me to take all the time I need to recover.  Very nice, huh?  But everyday afterwards, he would come over to my desk and say "Don't worry, thyroid cancer isn't even cancer.  I hear in Japan, people who have thyroid cancer don't even remove their tumors!".  Well, you know what Mr. Boss? I don't give a shit what people do in Japan.  I don't live in Japan, so don't tell me this bullshit thinking I'm gonna feel better because a whole country dismisses the seriousness of thyroid cancer.
Also, I believe he's been telling his friends about my cancer and they've been sending emails at work about how to live a healthy life.  I'M HEALTHY.  Just because I have this disease doesn't mean I'm unhealthy you ignorant fools!  There was this whole email about the basic facts about cancer, etc.  As if I didn't research all this on my own already!  I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but his friends sending me general facts about cancer? Um, if they were smart enough to research specifically for thyroid cancers, they would realize that there are many differences between thyroid cancer to all other cancers.  Treatments are different!  I wish these people would understand that I'm otherwise healthy and while the concerns are appreciated, I don't want to be overwhelmed.
4.  My coworker was surprisingly very supportive.  I appreciated all the support and comfort she has provided, but after the first week, she also became very pushy.  Now a days, she would tell me to read all the websites she found concerning "healthier living" and remind me to read up.  It's all very nice, but the point of all this is, I DON'T NEED REMINDERS OF MY CONDITION ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.  I already know what I have.  I have come to terms.  Stop  telling me how to live, or what to eat/not eat, etc.

The point is, while being supportive is great, I don't need someone to remind me everyday.  I don't need people to tell me how to live because I have this illness.  Nothing changes in my life.  Yes, I have to go through surgery.  Yes, I have cancer.  But why does that have to change who I am? Why does it have to change my life?

If you don't have anything supportive to say, please don't say anything at all.